I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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