are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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