My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
