She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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