I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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