Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
