I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
