She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
