he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
