my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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