Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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