he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
