You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
