turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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