it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it's not cheating when I paid for it
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
