if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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