This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My vagina is officially offended.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
