I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm at about main and main street
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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