I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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