More tranny stories later!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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