I just pynch a tree in the face
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You are the jesus of drinking
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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