you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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