i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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