She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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