As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
