You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
