4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
