Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
