Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
