dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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