And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
