In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
