Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
