Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
