So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
