and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
