you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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