shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
