He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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