Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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