we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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