Pappa wants mamma naked
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
