She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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