also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
