someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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