the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
