So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
