I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
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