in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
