So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
