Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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