Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
