What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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